someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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