I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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