She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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