I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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