i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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