I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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