I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize