apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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