come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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