We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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