he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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