It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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