Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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