The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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