Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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