Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize