I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize