So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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