im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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