oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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