3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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