my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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