That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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