The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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