It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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