Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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