the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
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I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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