I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize