Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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