my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize