walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize