cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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