I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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