The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize