I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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