saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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