You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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