i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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