I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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