I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize