Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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