We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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