Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize