Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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