he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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