just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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