Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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