I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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