I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize