She is in my trunk
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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